Patience is a curse

I bought two vesrions of an album yesterday. I mainly bought them because I was looking for one song. I wasn't expecting it to be on the first version. I then saw the track listing for the second, so late into the night I rushed out to get it. Upon purchasing said album I found it to contain a lot of good songs, but not the one I wanted. Apparently amazon and best buy had the wrong track listings up......I was upset. However, in a totally unrelated event Amazon gave me a $5 mp3 credit. Had I waited through the night and not run out and impulsively bought the other album I could have gotten all the songs I wanted.....for free. I was so certain that it was imperative I hear that one song last night that I feared the store would be closed when I got there. I also got a little lost along the way. I had almost accepted defeat when I saw a glimmer of what I hoped was the store. It was. Out came the credit card after a moment of hesitation and double checking the track listing. I bought it, but it wasn't what I was looking for. The simpler solution, one with out as much fury and doubt was just one morning away. If only I had waited. I'm a little lighter in the wallet, but tonight I buy the song.

kicking and screaming and on your knees quiet this mind

Today brought some clarity. some reality. some realism. I have a long way to go to patch that which I have torn apart. And trying to find the right song, the right album to fix this problem isn't so easy. I have no idea what to say. So I just called. And hoped the words would come. No answer. hear the silence. Now it's me.

Ghosts

I saw Invention of Lying last night. Ricky still has the touch. It made me think of (one of) my old Office watchin' buddies. A lot. My dreams were filled with the past. Many different pasts. One past in particular has been on my mind a lot lately. I have created a situation for the past few months and I am not sure how to proceed. I know what I should do is just go, run, maybe stumble, but move. However it is just so much easier to just let things be, figure it out tomorrow. I've been living a relatively spontaneous life as of late. I should just suck up my pride, set it aside, and let it ride. If I do nothing it falls apart, it may already have fallen. Only one way to find out.

"I always knew you were gonna miss me babe. but now I am willing to admit I miss you too"

Cool and Sunny

I like it when it is cool and sunny. tomorrow i ride again!!!!!

PILLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssss

I have finaly figured it out. Austin is a drug. A drug that I like. I love. I fucking love doing this shit. So many movies, music, food, swimming, girls, sun. I;m addicted to this shit. I just keep doing it. The problem is that it has taken over my life. This is all I want to do. I don't want to work, eat, or sleep. Just do it , use it, feel it. I have felt so many times that I would be crazy to leave this place. But it'll kill me one day. I know it will....


toadies



ag.


UPDATE: Seriously I am addicted......I am fuck up a little more before going clean, right?? I can quit when I want.....right.....fuck it.....i'm using.

if it's bright enough you don't see the clouds on the horizon

i have decided, and have been saying, they I am just generally and probably doom unhappy person. No matter where I am or what i am doing I find a way to be unhappy, discontent. I think, dream, and plan about so many things. And this next thing is surely to make me happier. it does, for a while. but it seems too short lived. when I am busy busy I dream of rest, of sleep. when I am lying still, almost asleep, or sleeping in I wish I was busier, I feel lazy. hot and cold.

i'm just an unhappy person......it ain't so bad

time, some how some way

I just bearly escaped going to jail over the last 24 hours. Well maybe not jail. But a ticket, or a spanking. Running red lights in small town Texas, not a good idea when the local tin is sitting on the other side of said light looking at you. Also a risky proposition upon realizing your mistake AND seeing said cop turn around lights ablaze you slyly slink down a back street. And you continue to take back streets till you know you have lost him the high tail it out of town.

Also risky is standing on the side of the highway with a camera (which to some MUST look like a bazooka) pointing it at cars as they go by. People tend to call the law because the TERRORISTS MUST HAVE MADE IT TO TEXAS!!!!!!!! For the record 3 seperate cops over two days stopped and asked me for my ID. Ran my ID and scolded me. Sheesh. ALSO apparently a guy with a BIG ass camera HAS to be from some competing gas station, or one of thier hires, and said cameraman must be taking spy footage with this big camera. After all whimpy hidden spycams for that sort of thing are so passe.

Anyways, I made it out alive. I also realized that it is either Texas or me but driving 5 hours to get somewhere doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

I'm tired. My arms feel really weird. I'm out.